If I were a royal pig
I'd be wearing a crown not a wig
and I'd live it up like a pig
I won't go to school
but I definitely will enroll
in a five-star Pig Finishing School
As for friends, I'll be fine
with dozens of pig cousins
most of whom would be cool
(in a pig way, of course)
although two or three would be boars.
Boars, bores, boors, what's the pig diff?
I don't think I'd have live pets
More likely I'll be into pet rocks, in sets
and diamonds in the trough
and pearls for swine
And oh. I wouldn't, ever, ever, ever eat
pork chops, or pork loin, or bacon,
or worst of all (or best of all---depends
on whether you're a pig---or not)
a crackling-crispy charcoal-roasted
skewered-whole suckling pig*
*Lechón, the Philippine national dish.